Sigh

My students are absolutely off their rockers right now with Spring Fever. They are easily distracted, extra silly, and annoying the heck out of me. Truly I tell you, I want Spring Break more than they do.

MWM Turns 30

Connections

I do not consider myself to be a person that "develops connections" on purpose. I don't seek out friendships with "influential" people, nor do I compete for the attention of anyone, because, well, I am much too lazy to do so.

Are there people that actually do this? How do these people have the time and energy? I heard all about how "you must be connected to make the ---- team!" and "I don't play games, so my kid always gets cheated..." while waiting in line to pick up recital tickets today. Is this really what happens when your kids get older? Must you "make connections" in order to help your children achieve their goals?

I hope not. Perhaps I was merely hearing backlash from few crabby ladies on a particularly crabby day...

MWM Turns 30

Minimal TV

I would love to comment on annoying commercials today, but I haven't watched more than 30 minutes of TV (total) since Sunday. We have had Parent-Teacher Conferences, I have Master's work due this weekend, and since I am pregnant, I am physically exhausted by about 2:00 each day. I love being a Mom, and I love my job, but I miss the good ole' days of watching TV, living in a spotlessly clean home, and seeking out activities to fill up my "free time."

MWM Turns 30

Debt Commercials

Apparently, this week I am inspired to write about annoying commercials... not sure how that happened.

Anyhow, is anyone else tired of seeing debt-free solution after debt-free solution advertised on TV? The only way to become debt-free is to stop spending, pay off credit cards and loans, and ideally, to make more money. No company is going to give you a magical solution that will find you a higher paying job or rid you of financial stress altogether.

Enough already! We never had these when I was kid. People had to pray and work, plan and save. I hope that we, as a society, get back to that ideology one day.

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Skin Care Commercials

Is anyone else tired of skin care commercials? Why do these companies think that B-list celebrities, lame background music, and promises about "sexy skin" will make a person (especially anyone over 25) jump off of the couch and try an overpriced product that they have lived for years without? Enough! Neither Julianne Hough, Hayden Pane-t-whatever, nor Whitney Port (LC's work buddy?) are going to influence me to buy something.

This just in! Avril Lavigne has one, too. Apparently, even punk girls from Canada get breakouts.

Ugh. Get a real job!!!

MWM Turns 30

A Friend's Journey

I have a friend that is dealing with infertility. She has children already, but in her heart, she aches for one more - a precious baby to hold and care for. She is married, healthy, employed, and insured... but for some reason, God has not allowed her to become pregnant after a year-and-a-half of trying.

I ache for my friend, because I can do nothing to help her but pray. I pray that she be guided as she makes decisions; that she be patient as she waits; that she stay positive and hopeful as she continues on her journey. I am frustrated that there is nothing more that I can do than that.

If you are reading this, and you are willing to pray, I invite you to pray for these things for her, too.

MWM Turns 30

The Office

I love that television show! It is relevant. It has heart. It makes me laugh.

Plus, Andy Bernard is one of the funniest characters to ever have graced my television.

Thank goodness for wonderful distractions like The Office!

MWM Turns 30

Today

One year ago, we learned that our son had died. Today, my tummy was alive with movement. This is a strange day, because as much as I miss my Henry, I enjoy the hope that I have for his little brother Isaac. I honor one child's memory, and I celebrate the life of another.

All of this on a beautifully lit Spring day - friends at my side, money in my pocket, food in my stomach, one more Grad class down, and two of my favorite television shows on tonight. Despite the grief that I carry today, I am able to count my blessings.

Today was hard, but not as hard as "today" one year ago. I'm thankful for that.

MWM Turns 30

Reflecting on Pain

The one-year anniversary of my son Henry's birth / death is approaching... 5 days away to be exact. Lately, as my heart has begun to heal and my faith has begun to be restored, I have reflected on how painful that experience truly was. I can't eat the Zone bars that I ate daily at the end of my pregnancy, can't eat Tropical Smoothie Cafe (since that was what I ate in the days and weeks following his death), will not listen to songs from last year on the radio, and regret to see reminders all over the place as spring pushes winter away outdoors.

I was in such a state of shock - and defeat - that I went through the spring and summer practically numb. I talked with friends, gave and received hugs, went to Church, read with students, laughed out loud occasionally... but I didn't really enjoy any of it.

I can see that now, as I am finally able to reflect. I hope that one year from now I will be reflecting on joy instead of sorrow.

But don't we all hope for that...?

MWM Turns 30

Each Kick, Every Slumber

Pregnant with my Subsequent Pregnancy After Loss (SPAL) baby, I am aware of every kick, and of every non-kick, that this child makes. It is an awareness that I never thought that I'd need to have.

Sometimes, Isaac sleeps. My heart fills with panic.

"Wake up and move, baby! Please!"

I plead with an unborn child.

Ten weeks to go...

MWM Turns 30

Nothing At All

There are days when we do nothing at all... well, nothing other than laundry, dishes, and the like. These days are wonderful. My husband likes catching up on his television shows. I am able to work on Master's work for hours on end. Daughter plays "school" in between snacks, legos, and dress-up. These are the days that we work all week for, and the reason that we choose to spend them together as a family.

Occasionally, I love doing nothing at all!

MWM Turns 30

Dance Class = Give Me Your Money!

I grew up dancing. I took dance classes from age 3 until I was 20 years old, and I loved everything about it - my tights, my shoes, my friends, the music, the mirrors, learning a new routine, performing on stage, watching others at rehearsal... I can't imagine having lived my life without it.

My daughter - now 3 - is enrolled in her first year of dance lessons. She isn't always jazzed up about wearing her dance clothes, does not always look forward to learning more steps in her routines, and rarely (once a week at most), talks about wearing her costume and dancing on stage. Either she doesn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped that she would, or she is simply too young to connect the dots from week to week. I, am, however, ready to shed some tears or punch some walls in regards to the cost of it all.

Keep in mind that we're talking about a 3 year-old here, but this is what the year is looking like so far:
$45 / month in lessons
$90 / in costumes
$95 / in recital fees
$15 / each additional recital ticket
$30 / in picture fees
$50 / in dance wear - as she grows, the list grows

Part of me hopes that she'll continue to want to dance, but a part of me hopes that she'll choose a less expensive hobby for her free time. I mean, if we're spending ~$1,000 in dance this year, what will spend when she turns 10 and takes more classes, wears more costumes, and competes around the country?!

MWM Turns 30

Tired

Today - this moment actually - I am so tired that I can barely see straight. I am worn down. On top of teaching full-time and raising a toddler, I am experiencing the most emotionally-charged pregnancy that I could have ever imagined for myself. I am now 27 weeks along, and even the most minor periods of inactivity (baby's gotta sleep every now and then!), I absolutely freak out. I go to "that place" and just start praying that God will let me keep this child. Emotionally, this day-to-day ritual takes a toll. I had a "freak-out" yesterday. I had another this afternoon. No pill, no energy bar, no nap can tackle this feeling of utter exhaustion. I pray that one day, after my Isaac arrives and is able to sleep through the night, I will wake up one morning feeling satisfied in my wakefulness.

Weary, but hopeful,

MWM Turns 30